So many times I left so i can see what it was so close to me.
This time, literally i went across the world. Well i still have 22 days to go.
Amongst many things I found out that home is Los Angeles. Despite the fact that ill never ever be from Los Angeles, no matter how hard i would try. But the beach, the sun, the ashes of my first
and last love, the places that now mean so much to me…. Even feeling nostalgic about tulips opening in spring while driving through Christal Cove in the summer heat makes me feel that I belong to OC. I dont know when the traffic jam on 405 at exactly 6 pm started to feel normal, familiar and almost cozy whyle listening to 94.7. But it did.
And as much as I wanted this trip, now , almost to the end of it, i realise that id rather be home than at Marinis on 57 or at Mandarin Oriental having my obsessive 5 o clock tea.
And amongst so many wonderful places i have seen from West to very far East and in between it suddenly became clear that i need to just stop and nest. Life is very simple. And i am so very happy.
Untill today, 29 December, at 2.11 am, it seems that I will go home, have a simple life with a man that is so normal that finally he taught me not to run away, or at least to come back (after 3 nonths and 17 days precisely.)
Of course the impulse of running or at least having my own (big space) is never going to go away. But it feels almost heavenly to know that i have where to come back because i am whanted the way that i am. Not skinnier, not nicer, not blonde, not anything else that so many years I was supposed to become, unnecessarily and totally against myself.
Oc would never became home without being able to visit so many wonderful places and to meet so many amazing people. After al these years, i understood who is important and who decided to vanish far away in their own important paradigm. People have this dinamic of drifting away or sticking together. I also learnt to accept. Anything and everything. And i learnt to smile, daily, until it became second nature.
I made a perfume, i ate good food, i laughed with friends, i cried a bit, i was mad, i was sad, then i looked up and i kept going because suddenly it was so easy to just be in that very second.
AND ITS SO GOOD TO BE HAPPY. I WOULD NOT CHANGE WHATEVER WAY I HAD TO WALK UNTIL NOW FOR ANYTHING. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND, ACCEPT AND LOVE ANYTHING AROUND.